You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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