I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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