Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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