Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
