I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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