If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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