She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
