if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm bleeding and have questions
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
