I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
