i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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