Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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