So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
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