no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
