Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
