Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
