If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
