You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
We have so much sex to catch up on
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
