it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Randomize
