So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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