He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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