so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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