get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
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