he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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