I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
