i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
