3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
