just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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