My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
