so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
