She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
