i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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