so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
