She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
We don't watch enough power rangers
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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