Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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