Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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