Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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