took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
