I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
