She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
