How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
