i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
