i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
