I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
