The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
