Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
