I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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