one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
