In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
