The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
