i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
