i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
