ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Randomize
