we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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