I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
