dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
