i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
