I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
