Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize