I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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