Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
