you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
