am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
