my vag is so smooth its legendary
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
