Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Randomize
